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Illness and sexuality: Forget about performance, focus on pleasure!


Sebastien Landry, sexologist

By : Sebastien Landry, sexologist

Posted 9 month ago

"It is not easy, when you are in good health, not to be influenced, stressed by the idea of ensuring in bed! Even if some people deny it, performance has a central place in sexuality!

We are bombarded with sexual injunctions oriented towards it... And it is not pornography that will say the opposite!

What exactly does it mean to be sexually successful? It's the idea that there is an objective of performance, like in sports! To be the best! To give a maximum of pleasure to the other! Make love more, longer, more, more... Where is the pleasure if we stay focused on the idea of being the best? Moreover, when the chronic disease is present, then this weight can be too much to bear. 

But what if performance wasn't the key to a fulfilling sexuality! What if the primary goal of sex was pleasure!

Sexual pleasure goes far beyond the notion of performance, beyond penetration and orgasm (which is however the maximum pleasure we can feel)!

Sexual pleasure includes kisses, tenderness, caresses, exploration of the body of his or her partner, reciprocal masturbation too! This pleasure requires sharing and letting go, far from the control that performance implies. 

Some tips to direct your sexuality towards pleasure and not performance: 

➡️ Forget what we hear about sexuality: "the longer, the better"; "penetration is mandatory during sex"; "men must maintain an erection for as long as necessary for a woman to have several orgasms"; "women are more satisfied if they have several orgasms during sex"

➡️ Share with your partner your desires, how you truly get pleasure, your fantasies, what you would like to try. Of course, it is interesting that your partner also shares these notions with you.

➡️ Change sexual habits, stimulate erotic imagination, boost sexual excitement by imagining, as a couple, a sexual scenario that you will put in place by abandoning yourself to pleasure.

➡️ The practice of sexting can also be interesting! Sending each other naughty text messages, allows you to build up the excitement before meeting up! The longer the sexual excitement is present, the more pleasure will be had during sex."

Sebastien Landry