I don't have libido anymore since I've been ill

Libido and sexual desire are two important components of sexuality, as they are essential to feel an interest in sex. Unfortunately, they are often impaired in the case of chronic pathologies. Here is the testimony of a 27-year-old man. 

Julien, who has been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (MS) two years ago, has been single for three years. He is currently finishing his studies. He booked an appointment with me, psycho-sexologist, because of his lack of sexual desire since his MS treatments started. During our first appointment, he tells me: "I'm here because I've noticed that since my treatments started, I don't feel like having sex at all, it's a bit strange, ... Isn’t it? ... You know what I mean ... I'm young and before I was ill I often felt like it. I'm not obsessive but that's it".  

Julien no longer has any sexual fantasies, he doesn't masturbate at all, whereas before the illness he used to masturbate 4-5 times a week. It is common to hear that libido disappears in case of a chronic pathology. It’s true! Some diseases, and especially their treatments, can disrupt the levels of sex hormones, directly impacting the libido. But be careful not to confuse everything! Libido is an impulse that responds to hormonal secretions whereas sexual desire is psychological, it is the desire to make love to one's partner.  

Added to this is the desire for love! It is the emotions and feelings you have for the person you love. In simple words, you can still be in love with your partner but not want to have sex anymore. Don't feel guilty, it's not your fault. Illness and treatments could greatly reduce or even eliminate your libido!  

If you’ve followed my reasoning, we can assume that even if your libido has disappeared it is possible to work on your sexual desire. But how?

Sexual desire needs erotic imagination, fantasies, to be able to express itself! Honestly, I don't recommend the use of pornographic videos. Watching porn is not going to help you over time. You can be excited in the moment, watching a video, but they will tend to make your brain lazy. And to boost your sexuality, and especially your sexual desire, you need a brain that works! For this I recommend reading erotic books to stimulate your erotic imagination. Reading forces your brain to create images! Images create fantasies and fantasies feed sexual desire!  

Another practice that can be interesting is masturbation! Yes, if this practice means pleasure for you, you should not deprive yourself of it. It gives you a lot of pleasure and stimulates sexual desire.  

And last but not least, if you are in a relationship, physical contact is also very important. You should not neglect the strength of touching your partner. That's why I recommend that you use caresses, massages, tenderness, and kisses.  

All these practices can be stimulating, so don't hesitate to try them! And if it really doesn't work for you, don't give up, consult a sexologist who can help you rediscover your sexual attraction.  

For more information on how to live better as a patient, download the right Vik for your disease 

Sébastien Landry 

Psycho-Sexologist