When depression affects your libido

Depression slows down brain function and the ability to reach orgasm. Yes: even orgasm! Why is this? It's simple, to reach orgasm it's important to be able to let go. Unfortunately, this disease tends to prevent the patient from letting go. Moreover, if the pleasure is not present during a sexual intercourse, then the desire to have intercourse again may decrease ... “What's the use of having sex if you don't get pleasure from it!”   

Depression is an illness that makes you see things in a negative way, a real burden on your libido and sexual pleasure. As a result, too many people suffering from depression tend to force themselves to have sex, which is not the right solution. This behavior often stems from the perceived consequences on the other partner. The non-depressed partner, most of the time, does not understand what is going on and questions themselves. This partner could even start doubting the love of the other and become aggressive, where patience, openness and support should be preferred. 

The priority is to treat the depression and not the sexuality. It is only once the disease is stabilized, through medication and/or psychotherapy, that the libido can be expressed freely again.  

But it is still necessary to talk about it to a specialist, to prevent the situation from getting worse. If you are in this situation, know that you are not alone. Consulting a sexologist can help you find solutions to your possible sexual problems.   

Here are some ideas and solutions:  

• First, do everything you can to treat your depression, consult a psychiatrist and/or a psychologist. Use the help of psycho-corporal therapies. If you manage to cure this depression, your libido will slowly come back with time.   
•  It is important that things are clearly explained to your partner so that there is no confusion, within your relationship, with “unlove”. You love your partner! Tell him or her! They cannot necessarily feel it when they see you in a bad mood or struggling with emotions. Communication is important in a relationship. Without it, it is difficult to understand what is happening, to project yourself into the future. Depression should not prevent you from telling the person you love how important he or she is to you.    
• It is essential to preserve moments of tenderness and complicity without sexuality. Life as a couple is so much more than just sharing sex.  
• The support of a sexologist is an important help in this difficult period. Associated with a medical and therapeutic follow-up, it allows you to overcome this discomfort which alters your life as a couple.  
• Sexual desire, which is the psychic part of libido, can be boosted by reading erotic books. As we have seen in previous articles, sexual desire can be worked up through fantasies!   

Depression, this chronic pathology that affects many people, is heavy, invasive and impacts the entire quality of life. Even sexuality can’t escape it. Don't feel guilty if you ever feel a decrease in your sexual drive. The main thing is to do everything you can to live better with depression, even if your sexuality seems to suffer at first. However, this does not mean that you should forget about your relationship and intimacy as we have seen in this article.   

Sébastien Landry, Psycho-Sexologist